If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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