I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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