Nicole vs. Life
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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