i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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