i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
