if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
