"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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