I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
