Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize