everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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