drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
