your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
