I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
