Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
