big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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