if you like me you must not know who I am
I faked an abortion last night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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