woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Shame - the story of my life.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
