Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
