Your mouth is God's brothel.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
