you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
