So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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