I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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