Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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