just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i believe in u and ur pee
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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