please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the condom got lost in my hair
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
