I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
