Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
