exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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