Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
