is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
