You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
