it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
