Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
