the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
