you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
