hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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