somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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