I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
