You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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