I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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