if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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