How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Green mimosas i think yes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
