paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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