wat bout pragnant strippers??
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
