I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
