On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
