yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
