Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
