All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you inspire me to be a worse person
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
