Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
