wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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