The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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