you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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