I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
