I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
