so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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