Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
