Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
a search helicopter?!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
