a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
