I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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