my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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