Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
