We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
