I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
