Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
