i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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