The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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