some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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