Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
