There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
