i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it because I queefed?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
