He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
