woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
