that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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