Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
