i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
