i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
