We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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